No.

Am I?

I really don't know. It's hard to deny that I have not had in all my life a male role model, butI have always been concious of that. I think because of that I have looked at with a more open eye toward male likes to appreciate them. I don't know many girls who like football, rpg games, computer games…

Guess I found my male balance in my activities…

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I need to rethink everything… I feel like my mind is going in all directions…

But my mom… and my sis as a matter of fact, are different. My mom is a walking contradiction and she is not even aware of it. She will think I joined some cult, while a lot of her personal beliefs are part of what Wicca is all about. She believes that you can send good vibes to people who are having health trouble… but don’t tell her it’s a form of healing spell. There is many other examples. I guess if I sit down with her and et her to listen to me she might accept my choice.

My sister is another problem. To her, the world is either white or black. White is everything that she is, likes and believes. Black is all the rest. We have had fights worthy of the titans during our youth because she did not understand I did not share her opinions. I’m afraid she’ll see Wicca, hear witch, and categorize me as crazy or evil. There is no changing her mind.… 

=> Magic: I see 2 kinds of magic. The first is a magician’s magic, illusion and feats to amuse the public. The second is a witch’s magic. To my understanding, it is the manipulation of the energy around you in order to obtain an goal. I agree with the belief that magic as no color other than the one the user gives it.

=> Paganism: To me it is a collletion of unorthodoxes religions that have been classified under one banner by the mainline religions of the world. From what I have come to understand so far, religions like Wicca, Satanism, druidism, etc. have all been put under all this appellation. Since all not catholique religions are seen by the Church as “devil worshipers” paganism as been viewed as an “evil” choice of religion.

=> Wicca: It is a religion that is part of paganism. It has many traditions (Faery, Dragon, eclectic, etc.), that all have common basis of practices. It is a very free religion that allows the practitioner to adapt it to it’s desire. They all follow a common rule, the Wiccan Rede: An ye harm none, do what ye will.

=> Witchcraft: It is just that, a craft. It is the art of doing something whose process is unknown to the majority, the art of manipulating energy. A witch ball, an amulet, a potion, etc. Witchcraft is closely connected to magic. A witch is not necessarily a wiccan and vice versa. 

=> Celtic Knotwork: I often use them as an emergency way to relax. Doing the knots require a certain amount of concentration that takes my mind away from the cause of my stress. That gives time to my body to unwind and by the time I am done, I am relaxed and ready to get back to what I was doing.

=> Hot bath: Diving into warm water soothes the muscles and numbs my mind.

=> A walk on a windy day: Wind always had a way to blow away all my worries and make me smile.

=> Laughter: Just feels so good after a really good laugh.

=> Hot beverages: It’s not as much the drink itself  but the action to take a moment to enjoy it that relaxes me.

=> Visualization: This is an old trick that I use since I was a kid. I use to have a really hard time falling asleep, my mind clouded with thoughts of the day. So I would tell myself s story in my mind (and sometimes out loud lol) visualizing it. Then at some point in the story the main character would go to bed. I’d always fall asleep that very moment too at the same time than the character. I still use it today when sleep is elusive.

 The very short answer is: because raddmann said “I am Wiccan”. Not that I want to be like him, but those 3 words brought back to me something I had lost, my spirituality.

When I was in high school, I read The Mist of Avaon (Marion Zimmer Bradley) and remember writting in my agenda something along the line of why isn’t it like that, a God and a Goddess? To me even then it made more sense then my catholique upbringing. But at that time, it didn’t go any further then that single thought. I must admit that even if I was taking moral as a religious option in school, they never approached unorthodoxe religions. We only covered the mainline ones and even then, I don’t remember learning what they stand for, only that they existed.

I came across wicca while surfing on the net, a few years later, during college. At that moment I became an avid downloader and printer. Any site I found on the subject was quickely scanned and if I thought it was interesting kept for futur reference. I also started to read a few books on the subject. I quickly became overloaded with information. It was also about that time that I discovered the Magical Blend and the MPRC.

I then became involved a little in the community and participated to a few events. But then, with my entrance in the university, my illness and my departure for England, my spirituality was saddly put at the bottom of my priority list and soon after completly forgotten. To a point where my friend saying he was a wiccan was like a slap on the face to me.

During my first year looking into wicca, I had come across Crescent Moon School and I realised that this was what I needed. Structurized information and support from teachers. Also to find myself with others that are embarking on the same quest as I am is very stimulating. I hope to find my spirituality that I had lost.

 It’s hard to get back in the “study mode”, it requires a lot of self-discipline. I have been use to pushing back things so much lately it’s hard to suddenly find myself with deadlines. I haven’t caught up with the readings yet but I should be able to do so this week-end.

So far it hasn’t been too hard. A lot of the things covered I had already approached when I first looked into Wicca. But meditation and energy works was something I had always dreaded looking into. I had always believed it was impossible for me to meditate. I had never made the link with the relaxation techniques I had learned as a kid. It’s funny how I never associated the two. To me meditation was only trying to emtpy your mind. I never knew about the existence of guided meditation. Makes sence they said it was a Relaxation class for kids. Not many people would send there children to a meditation class.

I have always known sencing energy was not goign to be a problem for me. After all my personal feild as always been really sensible. lol I remember days in high school where I couldn’t be near Kate. But still that exercice we did was amaizing… and weird. I was pretty surprised when my arm went numb like that. Wonder why, maybe I could look it up on the net, but I doubt I’d find anything, Hobbes did say that it’s diffent for everyone. Maybe that’s just the way I feel it.

Grounding and centering was actually harder for me. During the second class, it really felt as though I had chosen where my center was and just forced all the energy to gather there. Could maybe explain why I had such a hard time feeling Scarlet’s sheild.

I should really do some work on that. I still don’t understand why I came up with this weird visualisation for grounding just before the class this week. But it sure seem to work better than the time before. I have to see is an ancre means anything… Well after all, an ancre is what grounds a boath. But where did such a visualisation came from? Well it might be because of Gaele and all her talk about her sailing class. But why would it work so well?

Hobbes did talk about how the tree analogy didn’t work for him since he never was a tree, and didn’t know how it feels to have roots. Shouldn’t the ancre means something to me if it works…

 Lol we talked about not being about to shut the rational brain out, always passing things as a coincidence. Isn’t what I’m just the exact contrary, wanting absoluty this visualisation to have a deeper meaning when it might just be that it’s an efficient imagery for me?